Helen's Story

A Year in The Life of PND

At last labour's over, the baby's arrived

I hold her close, try to comfort her cries

I feel nothing inside, just worn out and tired

I glance at my husband, see tears in his eyes

 

In my hospital bed, just baby and me

I start to cry and weep uncontrollably

Feeling confused, like I've made a mistake

Losing control, what's happening to me?

 

Home at last, I thought that would help

But the crying won't stop, don't feel I can cope

Deal with the baby but don't want to be close

Feeling no love, losing all hope

 

Baby blues should have passed

But I'm feeling the same

Still no love for the baby

I must be to blame

 

In a state of despair

Go to see the GP

Ask "What's wrong with me?"

She says " it's PND"

 

Gives me pills to help

Says they'd take a few weeks

The black cloud's still there

The depression peaks

 

My mind is spinning

I can't seem to sleep

I don't feel I'm coping

Keep wanting to weep

Feel there's no point

In living like this

Want to end it all

Fall into an abyss

 

And then one day, the cloud lifts

Only slightly at first , but enough,

I can get through one day at a time

Cope with this life without feeling so rough

 

All at once in a rush, my emotions kick in

Feel love for my daughter , normal - more or less

At last I can see the light at the end

And realise what I'm feeling is happiness.